dickfiguresfanonfandomcom-20200214-history
Tree Hackers
'Summary' Red and Blue go get a christmas tree. The problem is that Red hates trees and he has an ax of vengeance. 'Transcript' (Red and Blue were walking though the snow were evergreen trees were) Blue: Just 4 more days until Christmas and we're looking for a Christmas tree. I can't believe you forgot to get one. Red: Why are we here? I fucking hate trees! ever since that time. Blue: (glares) What time? (flashback to camp anarchy ) Red: (gasps) You slut! (Returns) Blue: Oh right. Red: I just want to kill all these fucking trees! some of them might be her family. Blue: Dude, we're just here to chop down a tree and bring it home for Christmas. Red: Good idea! You kill those trees over there while I kill these over here. (pulls out a chainsaw) Tree genocide! (Runs off) Blue: (face palms and goes to cut a tree down) Here we go. (chops it with an axe) Red: (At his first tree) Lets roast your chestnuts on an open fire. (shoots a tree with a flame thrower) (Blue finishes chopping down his tree) Blue: This one's perfect, alright dude! Let's head back to my home! Red: (second tree) Giving tree huh? how about you give my your life! (uses a machine gun to shoot the tree down) Blue: Dude! We're done! I got us a good tree now let's get out of here! Red: (Third tree) How is this for a tree hugger? (runs a tree over with a truck) Blue: (face palms) Dude! I said we're done! Let's go! Red: (Forth tree) Recycling is good for the environment! (Uses a tree shredder to start shredding the tree) Tree Owner: (walks up to Blue) you know about the 'You break it you buy it' policy right? Blue: Yeah... Red: (Fifth tree) I'll just give you a low shave. (uses a chainsaw to cut a tree down and have it knock a line of trees in a domino effect) Tree Owner: you are buying all those. Blue: (wide-eyed and mouth) Shit. Just how much does each tree cost? Tree Owner: fifteen dollars each. Red: (throws a lit dynamite stick) Have a blast! (blows up over twelve trees) Blue: WHAT!? But HE chopped down those trees! I only chopped down ONE! Tree Owner: Well one of you is paying for trees and I count over thirty trees. Blue: Red! Your paying for those trees! Red: I never have money! Blue: NO MONEY!? I see you with money ALL the time! Tree owner: No Money, no tree (takes Blue's tree) Blue: (groans) FINE! (hands tree owner some money) Red: (Comes back) okay i feel better now. Lets go home. Blue: Next time, I'm going on my own. (as they drive away) Red: I just got one more thing to do now. Blue: (eye twitches) What? (Red Pushes a button and the whole tree lot explodes) Red: WHOO! Revenge is mine! Blue: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!!!!! (the Corpse of the tree owner falls on the car roof dead. red and Blue scream at the sight until Blue sees the money he gave the tree owner hanging from his pocket) Blue: (snatches the money) Got it! (later at Blue's Home as Blue puts up the tree and finishes decorating it) Pink: It looks beautiful Blue. Blink: Yay! Christmas time! Blue: I tell you, It wasn't easy. Red: (jumps on and chops the tree down) Hey look. I got us a tree! Blue: RED! You idiot! Red: Merry Christmas everybody! Blink: (to audience) May all your presents be fun ones! (END) ''COMMENT YOUR POLL VOTE'' *1/5 Unicorn Barf! *2/5 It was like Meh. *3/5 I guess it was... pretty good. *4/5 This is like crazy right? *5/5 CUZ I'M AWESOME Category:Episodes